In some relationships, sometimes it is difficult to know if there is a true healthy loving feeling, or if on the contrary what there is, is a dependency relationship. We are going to see some of the characteristics of a bond based on need instead of equality and reciprocity. Knowing how to differentiate love and dependency allows you to avoid entering into toxic relationships that will contribute little to your happiness and well-being, except perhaps experience (if you know how to learn from them).


Emotionally Dependent People

People who build dependency relationships are motivated by need. Normally, they feel an emotional emptiness, which they are not capable of filling themselves, and they look for a person who can give them that attention, that affection, that love that they crave.

Logically, we are talking about people who have low self-esteem. They do not like to be alone because then the emotional emptiness seems unbearable, and they seek the company of friends, relatives, or even strangers to obtain that attention that helps them fill the emotional lack they feel.

As a consequence, people with emotional dependency seek their partners with the main motivation of receiving attention and affection, not to give and share love equally. Hence, they choose people who give them that attention even if those people do not suit them for many other reasons. What's more, many emotionally dependent people stay trapped in unsatisfying relationships for years, simply because they are afraid of losing the relationship and the associated attention.

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Difference Between Dependence and Interdependence

Before continuing, I would like to make a point. In all couple relationships, even healthy ones (based on equality and love), there are situations of dependency between people. But in the case of a healthy couple, it is an interdependence, motivated more by the organization and distribution of roles than by a lack of affection. Of course, it is normal to miss the partner when circumstances force a temporary separation, or to depend on them for some specific matters. In this article, I am talking about problematic situations with an excess of dependency.

How Do You Know If You are In an Emotionally Dependent Relationship?

If you want to know if what you feel for your partner is dependency and not love, or if you suspect that your partner is with you out of necessity, here are some signs that may indicate dependency.

- Dependent people tend to be very demanding regarding the care they receive from their partners. Because they need this attention to fill the emotional emptiness they feel, they will ask for more attention and will be angry if they do not receive it.

- Dependent people prefer to share as much time as possible with their partners, and therefore, they try to participate in any activity in which the other person is involved. When that is not possible, they seek emotional substitutes (family and friends).

- Dependent people hate loneliness because it confronts them with the emotional lack they feel.

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