We all keep on growing

I’ve been reading some old journal entries of mine from two years ago. I hardly recognize this person who keeps on talking about goals she wants to achieve and keeps on complaining about things that she doesn’t have.

For the longest time, I was struggling with meeting my goals, accomplishing simple tasks and staying motivated long enough to complete a bigger project. I spent days, weeks and sometimes even months or years on complaining why life was so tough on me and I kept on giving up and ‘failing’. I was complaining more than taking actual action. I took pleasure in short-term things rather than going through a little pain and getting out of my comfort zone in order to gain long term success.

I didn’t think far enough in advance in order for me to grow and learn from my mistakes. Instead, I looked for and found pleasure in things that were only short-lasting pleasures like sleeping too long, playing video games and indulging in a lot of food. There certainly isn’t anything wrong with any of these things in moderation, but I was really overdoing it back then.

I think it was my fear to be successful that was holding me back. I was afraid of the responsibilities that come with being successful. Being successful would require me to work consistently to meet my goals, set higher standards for myself and stop complaining. Complaining put me in a victim mentality and that mentality can be highly addictive.

Somewhere in those two years, I finally was able to drop the victimhood and became a responsible and disciplined person. I still have my lazy days, we all have those, but I am now consistent in reaching my goals. Even on my lazy days, I do something that helps me reach the goals I have set for myself. Even if it’s just walking on the treadmill instead of running or writing only one paragraph instead of a full blog, it’s better than nothing. And it also helps me to get back in the flow the next day.