Almost 3 years on and I can't escape it. The sadness, the raw feeling, the memory and the blow. It comes over me like a cloud. By itself. It gives me tears. Remind me of the pain what the blow did to me. The memory of a person who gave me something precious, but has gone away together with blow. I felt and touched something that I didn't know. Just a little while. For a few months and all of a sudden, in front of me you were gone. I feel left behind with the memory. The fear that it might happen again makes me no longer know how to make love. I want it so badly. But I'm afraid. Afraid to feel the pain again. That I'm really doing this time, what I wanted to do at the time. Now I'm back in that cloud. I didn't ask for it. He just came by. A cloud full of memories and sorrow and pain. Will this be like this every year? It's much better with me, but I think that cloud accepting and letting it pass is the best thing I think. #mourning #vulnerable #love

That cloud is back...

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