Boni, let's go ride on the wings of love!

This story’s taking you to my childhood in that special moment when I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up - absolutely free and a happy human! Also, I hope the true story will empower and inspire, especially women ;) #empower #inspire #adreamihad #freedom

Just like Marzel's Proust’s narrator in “his famous work, In Search Of Lost Time ("À la recherche du temps perdu"), who involuntarily recalls an episode from his childhood after tasting a madeleine dipped in tea” (finedingslovers.com), I had a similar experience a few days back. I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook and saw this amazing photo of the Andromeda Galaxy in the FB group StarGazers, posted by Eustace Fernando. My breath was taken for a moment and then just a flashback of childhood memory because on the Andromeda photo is my birthday date. The story goes like this.

One lovely summer day in the grama backyard and one little girl just being happy about her birthday. Usually, she did not need any particular thing or item to be joyful, her favorite thing to do was being alone in an outdoor imaginary game - talking to trees, sneaking up on a butterfly, or dancing with flowers in her own rhythm without music. And that day, it was my birthday, and I got a light pink colored bike with pony tales on the steering wheel and a beautiful basket on the front. And I learned how to drive it without helping wheels on the sides! I named her, my bike, Boni. I was so proud of my shelf, but most importantly I was feeling free! I was free to go to the local store by my shelf on the bike, I could go ride my bike with my best friend. Gave me a sense of power, freedom, and personal importance - that day I was convinced that I could go and ride the world up with my pink brand new bike I learned to drive all by myself!

I felt unstoppable while proudly exclaiming while driving full speed near terase where everybody was eating cake, shouting: "Boni, let's fly on the wings of love"and my soul screamed Andromeda. Now I’m thinking I should call my sailing boat Andromeda?! :D #Andromeda

I parked my bike and joined everybody at the table. There is debate in progress on the topic of world traveling. My loud exclamation did not go unnoticed - laughs at my enthusiasm and joy are numerous, but followed by a bunch of questions and comments I frankly did not understand at the moment. They talked about sex, but then switched the talking.

"Kika son, you have to have a lot of money to travel the world, even on a bike. Where will you get the money from in life?", - asked my father. The serious expression on his face gave me an imprint he wanted some true and reasonable answer, fitting to a girl of my age. I carefully thought and concluded that adults are spending way too much time chasing money. I hated money at that point because I detected it's the main reason my father isn't home with us. Anyway, I stared right into my father's eyes trying to mimic his serious face, and proudly said:

"I could be a Petar Pan! I’ll be a child forever!”

I continued blabeling about my great idea, almost getting me thinking I got them on board with the whole Petar Pan thing. I already imagined myself flying with the rest of the Lost Boys and enthusiastically concluded that's an even better plan because there is no need for pedaling on the bike. (I sincerely hated that part about the bike xD). Among all the explanations why that's impossible and unrealistic, I remember this one confusing me the most:

"You can't be Peter Pan because you are a girl!"

I was confused months after that. Why would someone say that I can’t do something simply because I'm a girl? Sounded absurd, I felt it like a deep, hurting injustice and fat lie. In my heart I knew I could do whatever I set my mind on, I deeply believed that with every atom of my being, and I still do. And not only me, every girl or young woman or any woman in this world, for that matter!! That was my affirmation that I am firmly dedicated to proving my experience!

Today I’m thankful for that silly answer because it gave me courage and defiance to follow what my heart is whispering. Service. Discipline. Being part of something bigger. Honor. Community. All those resonated with me deeply, I knew my work has to serve someone on some level. “Is there a better place for a young woman to start uncovering the wonders of the world than a military?" I caught my thought in one breath already knowing it's a naive way of thinking, but I did not care. I already set my mind and heart on becoming a Croatian army cadet and after college graduation a young female officer with her first deployment (safe pay), rank and magister diploma, no matter what any of my surroundings (or even logic for that matter) say; positive or negative about my choice, I knew that I wanted to be educated and independent, with my own wallet.

From there my adventure started, for the next four years of my life I was a cadet, soldier, and a student to the one point I realized I deserve better than being my own prisoner and victim, judge and jury, and also executioner at the end. The army was an intense experience for me, and I learned so much - mostly I learned about myself. What I was made of mentally and emotionally when times of crises cured or when output demands are set too high for the level of exhaustion ext. I one crucial point, I decided once again - I want to drop out of military school. I had good reasons, medical reasons connected with my lady organs, my uterus to be exact, and I wanted a better future than what's offered at the moment. So, I left.


Because my heart told me to do it. :D I wanted to be a master of my time and decisions. Only then I’m capable of taking responsibility for the action it represents!

I’ll do it, not because I’m a girl, but because I am Love, Grace, Gratitude, and Hope that needs Service in order to her become Art.

Hope needs Chart and the Lemon in one, Hope needs her spiritual tribe, a family!

wedding plus stand up in the magical place = celebration



Warrior of Light - tarot card