WORDS FROM Didi'M's world

Home is forever gone.

I saw you three weeks ago. You were like you always were. Interesting, a little forgetful, and even though your condition wasn't top, you did your thing. Then measures were taken regarding Covid-19 and we also wanted to protect you so henceforth no more hugs and visits but talk on the phone. You stayed inside and “did your time. “ Nobody knew then that this was going to be literal. Last Saturday, I didn't get you on the phone and I went to check on you. Mom, you were so bad. Not the woman I last hugged two weeks before. Home care was nice to you, but it wasn't enough. You couldn't take care of yourself anymore and you didn't eat and drink and sleep upstairs didn't go any more.

Sunday I got word that you were going to be served. And I knew what that meant. Although I have been trying to prepare the children from the beginning of the year that 2020 could be the year that you would leave us, and I have talked a lot about this last week too, I now had to prepare them for a very soon ending. We were all there, as you would have wanted, and when I got home, I wrote:

“I am sad. Even though I had taken into account that I have to say goodbye to my mom in 2020, it seems that it is almost as far heartbreaking when I see how fast it all goes. My love whispered to me this afternoon before she was served, and I held my children who were very sad: “You are not mother but also daughter” and I know he is right. In this song two things she loves come together: The Ave Maria and André Rieu she enjoyed so much. Assume that when I listen to this, I am mainly a daughter”.

I didn't want to leave you alone, so I went to get my stuff home to go into the night with you. Not knowing, but assuming it could be the last night together. And it was a beautiful night and night for me. The night you left us. I'm grateful I could be with you. And that I could escort you out of the house, although for now the pain in my heart will still be present when I think of that car that quietly drove away in that quiet street under a starry sky. And as I walked home with my briefcase in my hand in the middle of the night, I realized that I'm going to lose part of my life forever. Or closed. I was walking under that same starry sky down that still quiet street you had just gone for me. But as I walked there, letting the tears run free, I heard the first birds sing... they sang to you, but maybe even to me.