It's been a while since I wrote a blog. Well, there's been a thing or two. So I am now in a rehabilitation center. It was a way out here.. Because of the corona time, my world became very small. I didn't go out anyway.. I was afraid I was gonna get infected, so I stayed inside and didn't let anyone in.. The appointments with the hospital could for the time being. When I had to get blood pricked after a few weeks, I did a thorough examination of which hospital was most safe.. Once arrived, luckily no one was. I was home for about three weeks now and noticed that I was running very difficult. I was insecure and slipped more. I had created a safe world at home. And I made it easier for myself. I took a postoel so I didn't have to walk to the bathroom.. I just slipped over from my bed. Slowly my muscles became less strong and I did not even manage to stand, let alone walk. I started to worry a little bit, because since the irradiation in my head I have been suffering from cramps in my legs. Maybe they hit something in my head after all.. I told the GP I was a little afraid there was something more going on. She decided to send me to the hospital for scans. And there I went, in half an hour there was an ambulance at the door that took me to the hospital. Quick some stuff in the backpack because I had no idea how long it would take. In the end, I spent a week in the hospital. Of course I wasn't amused, because you arrive for scans and the first two days no scans. But physiotherapists who want to see what I can do and what I can not. And practice with them every day. Now I'm not the type to be pushed. Actually, I do, but I don't like it. And so I got frustrated. And then the stupid scans. Nothing is worse than the uncertainty of the scans. What will they find, it has become worse and what will they do. Is it less and what are they going to do. The uncertainty is killing. First the MRI of my head. Three quarters of an hour in the noise. I'm always happy when I get out.. Oh, yeah, in and out there comes a drama when you don't have strength in your legs.. Then wait for the rash. Fortunately, a good rash, no metastases and the tumor is still small. happy. The next day the scan of my body. No noise, but the same stress. What will they see and what will they do. They were afraid that there might be metastases on the nerves in my legs. If yes, a treatment plan should be made for that. I think something with irradiating or something.. But fortunately, the scan did not show that. So it meant that I had to work out my muscles with my lazy ass. And that is best done in a rehabilitation center. So here I sit now. It's now week two. The first week was terrible. I said several times I wanted to go home. I got frustrated when something didn't work out and the nursing staff had to deal with someone who lasted at everyone all the time.. Nothing was good. I really resisted the help and the people who offered it. Last Sunday after I had taken a day of rest and had a facetime conversation with my friends I became a bit quieter. Could it be that I was just scared. Afraid that I would fail, afraid that this effort would be for nothing. And that fear turned into anger and frustration!? I decided to make a list of what I wanted to do when I go out here hopping. And that list, those are my goals. A weekend away. Take a walk. Go to the pool. All small things that are incredibly wrong. Now I'm in week two and I'm a lot calmer. I work hard and do my exercises. I'm not angry anymore if the physiotherapists expect something from me. It looks like I've gotten a little stronger in my arms. I can move my right leg a bit more. And with a special elevator I even manage to stand. So I'm positive. And to make the choice in favor of rehabilitation center, has been a very good. Ordinary life also continues. And so I had a while back to let the girlfriend who already does so much for me know that I don't have a funeral insurance. When she came to the hospital, she asked about. Bit embarrassing to have to admit, but it's part of my old life that I made a mess of everything. In the hospital, she asked me all sorts of questions about my own funeral. I just thought how do we get to this topic of conversation! But I responded well to all her questions. A few hours later when she was home she sent a message and said I did something. If you don't want it, you don't have to. She had her own hands set up a go fund me action for my funeral. It startled me and had to let this work in for a while.. It was very sweet, but also very confrontational. The next day decided to put everything online. And now within 3 weeks the counter stands at 3000 euros. I am so happy and grateful. But the most beautiful are the messages I receive in addition from old acquaintances or old colleagues. It really hits me. It's nice to hear that people live with you and think about beautiful memories. Meanwhile, I'm busy thinking about what exactly I want during my funeral. One thing is fixed, we're going to leave the service swinging!! #k *nker cancer Below you can find the link to the action. https://www.gofundme.com/f/uitvaart-karin-beverwijk? utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link-tip&utm_campaign=p_cp share-sheet

Loading full article...