Do you dare say NO? A lot of people do not dare or find it extremely difficult. There can be a lot of reasons for this:
Afraid the person you say no to will take it personally.
People don't want to disappoint.
- Afraid of the opinion others have on that.
- To feel like a yes is expected from you because. (fill in yourself)
- Difficulty guarding your own borders.
Afraid you'll have to explain your no.
- Convenience. Saying yes is often much easier.
At my farewell to the Cultural Council of the municipality of Skarsterlân of which I had been chairman for 5 years, I received a watch with the inscription “Always Time”. Of course that was a wonderful compliment, but it should have made me think. I had a big house, busy family with young children and made miniatures that I sold at markets and fairs and yet I very rarely said no when someone was needed to organize something, to make posters, to organize an exhibition, to accompany a performance whether 1000 leaflets had to be folded. And if I had to say no, because it really couldn't do anything else, I felt guilty. I also felt a little guilty because I was going to abandon the Cultural Council. But that couldn't be otherwise because I was going to emigrate.
And also in Romania I didn't seem to have learned any lessons from it because there too I was in all sorts of groups in no time and took on all kinds of tasks again. Or rather, I didn't say no when I was asked if I wanted to do or make something. Because yes, it's often the same people who get involved in everything, are in everything. That is where I first got acquainted with the fact that this is not appreciated by everyone. “She always sits everywhere with her big nose, pulls everything to her,” I heard sometimes say behind my back. Not only about me, but also about a few other people who rarely said no when tasks were split up again.
Only two years ago I gradually learned to say no more often, often because it became too much for me now that I am walking towards 70 and it was sometimes just physically impossible to do anymore. That was hard because it turned out to be obvious that my no meant that a number of things just fell away, nobody took over. Apparently there were a lot of people who just say no when they are asked to do something and that is accepted without sputter. And then the guilt played up again for a while. But luckily that is getting less and less and I notice that the people who really matter just accept my no without having to explain it.
Can you say NO?
Do you feel like you owe an explanation about that then, do you feel guilty afterwards?
How do you react when people say NO?